what's wrong with me, a simple chart by Elise Meyers
I'm bored. Bored with everything all the time. I'm bored with life and bored with school and bored with me. Everything is just so boring an played out and tired.
Bored ----> Frustrated
I'm frustrated that I'm always surrounded by people but always alone in my head. There is no place here that isn't infected with people. That makes me clostrophobic. Inside my head is very lonely right now. And darker than normal. Also, I am being subjected to and punished by the same rule system that applies to seventeen year old freshmen. The outside world is closing in, making my innerspace tighter and more remote.
Frustrated ----> Stressed
I am stressed that I have to work so hard and give so much energy to things I hate. I am stressed that things I love are suffering because all my time and energy is being given to things I hate.
Stressed ----> Exhausted
I am exhausted. I can't sleep at night anymore. I only get about six hours from sun up until I have to do something. I wish I could sleep at night. I wish I could relax enough, shut my mind off, chill. I'm so wound up into a tight little knot that I can't even do things to help myself feel better.
Bored ----> Frustrated ----> Stressed ----> Exhausted
this is what I go through every day. this is what I have gone through every day since I got back from spring break to find an interloper living in my space. sometimes this process repeats itself several times during the day, but there is no time when I am not feeling one of these feelings unless I've gone numb from sleep or else drinking. I am pretty sure that this pattern will continue until the end of the semester. I really wish I could get my head together, but i can't and most likely won't until I get home again. I'll have 1 job, 1 internship, 2 side projects, freedom from assinine rules, outerspace free from the perversion of others, people populate my innerspace with, and very, very little stress since all my time will be devoted to things I love instead of things I have to do (again with the assinine rules)
Kari's away message "Wherever you are, remember...the light at the end of the tunnel may be YOU."
damn, I'm screwed. public safety confiscated my light source and is charging me $100 for ever having it.