Archaeology for the Masses

Monday, April 25, 2005

Zoe

"We are none of us so young anymore, and there are not many of us who remember that time when we were all young together."

Movie this summer okay?

no sleep tonight

I've noticed something interesting about facebook yo!
when I look up my high school, it's a veritable who's who of people I would be extremely uncomfortable running into on the street.
A lot of kids I remember disliking but don't remember why.

Another facebook yo! musing;
The number of friends you have really depends on how open about that you are. Myself, I have to know you in real life before I will "accept" you. However, it is apparent that there are others who mearly have to be in an online group with you to decide to be your friend. Sad really.

Who'd have thought?

Spend all semester just tossing together a nifty little series entitled "God and Gays," bring two gay pastors, one straight one and a rabbit to speak on consecutive thrusdays for a month, run three movies, one on jewish glbt people, one one glbt presbyterians, one on the marrige of the lesbian daughter of a methodist minister, and a possible 4th on the ordination of one gay and two lesbian lutheran ministers, make a small poster and hand out some hastily made fliers and what do you get?

Well we have had attendace of about 50 people or so combined for the first three nights (a big deal to a club with 3 1/2 active members), one film crew seeking an interview, one article in the school newspaper with a writer asking for direct quotes, and still no respect of any kind from SGA (bastards).

I was trying to be controversial, sure, but I didn't expect two people to e-mail me asking for interviews in one day. I really expect my little ramshakle club to be ignored for the most part. Sure, we make the rest of the interfaith office a bit nervous and we really upset the other Christian organizations from time to time (but so does spongebob), but to actually have people I don't know and haven't bribed catch wind of our doings makes me feel kinda good.

Still, I was hoping for some kind of negative backlash. The best we got was a "Jesus Saves" writen in pencil on one of our fliers I left sitting in a hallway.

The good news (?) is that should I ever want to go to divinity school (particularly Union in the city) I have my portfolio all together in both print and movie form and can easily obtain recomendations from many gay and nongay clergy who think that I'm just awsome.

It's kinda neat actually. I could never have done this, or anything like this at UALC, but Pastor Alan and my advisory board were behind me 100%. Who knew that a large chunk of the Long Island Protestant Chaplincy Advisory Board was gay? Hell, they even have an athiest. I also know of about five really awsome churches in and around long island should some brain parisite possess me to stay on this godforsaken isle even one day after college graduation, or neurological disorder convince me to return afterward. Shame that in the holy land Columbus, I have trouble finding one. I mean even the unitarions who are supposed to be all inclusive and loving kicked my friend and her family out of her childhood home and tore it down to build the parkinglot for a chipotle.

Jesus is going to have some serious ass kicking ahead of him when he comes back and an awful lot of people are going to be real surprised at who he goes after...UALC, I'm looking in your general direction.

Siblings

Mike's little brother Doug was excited for his homecoming this weekend. He was looking forward to playing football with him. Mike was looking forward to being driven around town by his freshly 16 year old brother. Both images appeal to me, and yet I am confused. I have never understood the concept of "siblings." Now, I realize that for those of you with siblings, this is absolutly ludacris. Siblings are, there is nothing to understand. But there is you see!

I have never had a sibling. I have never genuinely wanted one. I never asked for one and anytime anyone ever made a joke about me maybe having one, I never found it funny. I have always believed siblings to be horrible things. My parents made a concious decision to free me from the pain of having them. There was never a time when I was going to have a sibling. Elise was, from the very beginning, an only child. This desicion was made by two individuals that have such heinously fractured relationships with their own siblings (two each) that they could not even think of inflicting that life on their only beloved child.

My belief that multiple children is a crime against humanity was further confirmed by television. On television the only siblings that get along are those that hated each other as children. Sure, they came to love one and other, but it was only after years of torment and often the loss of a parent. Who wants the commitment? Also, that was only on sitcoms. Soap opera siblings are even worse. It was on soap operas that I learned the word fratracide.

When I finally left the cocoon of home and ventured into school I was surrounded by examples from stories of my parent's childhoods. Brothers and sisters engadged in war for their parents affections. Brothers and sister constantly trying to beat each other at one meaningless accomplishment after another. Brothers and sisters desperatly trying to create identities which are unique of one another. These were never problems I had to contend with and I thank my parents and my God daily for not cursing me as such.

Still, I am told that through all this hate, after all the malaice and evil are done there is actually some level of affection. I ask the afflicted among you to think of everything inflicted upon you by a sibling. Now tell me, would you have tolerated that kind of treatment from a stranger, or even a friend? I have seen some innerfamily squables that if played out on the street between acquaintances would have resulted in litigation, but since the battles occured between sisters within the confines of their own shared bedroom, no convictions were ever made.

I had a dream once that my father was talking to another girl the way he talks to me. It was one of the worst, most disturbing nightmares I have ever had. My parents are just that, mine alone. Everyone should be able to say that. Friends with siblings tell me that sharing is good. I fail to understand this principle as well. We are all brainwashed into believing that sharing is the best option but it's just not true. When you share, everyone gets less. It is far better that everyone has their own. When this is not possible it is better that one has and another does not instead of both only having for a short time. Where is the satisfaction in that? I don't think I need to explain the difference between a privatly owned beach house and a time share. Sharing sucks and should be avoided at all costs. Especially forced sharing. If you're extra nice and still want to share even though you are screwing your self a little, go for it, but don't force your poor kids to share because you decided to have multiple children.

That being said I understand that there is some sort of comfort that comes from siblings. I don't believe those with living genetic others can ever really feel the solitude that I often feel. Children of large families will never be so alone as I will be when my parents are gone. I am the only one to tell my story. I share my childhood with no one. I do sometimes envy siblings that. I envy the built-in comrade. Against my parents I was always outnumbered. When I am gone there will be no one left who remembers the things that I know. I think I could have liked having an older brother.

Still, I am glad for my parents decision. I think they made the right one. Any older brother would have hated my father. He would have worked a son far too hard. The same can be said of a younger brother, although I think I would have learned to hate a younger brother myself. At least an older brother might have tried to take-care of me. A younger brother would have been another hassle for me to handle. A younger sister would have been even more annoying. As for an older sister, I would have truely hated her. I would have been stuck in her shadow. In my life I have had the privilge and freedom of finding myself in a space free of those who share my genetic make-up. I have had no one to emulate, no preconcieved mold to fit myself into. No measuing stick with which to determine my personal worth or success.

Perhaps I would have been happier as a sibling, but I doubt it. I cannot say for sure because I will never grasp the true nature of the sibling relationship. To understand something is to stand under it. I will never stand under it and so I will never be crushed by it. The way my life has gone so far however, a sibling would only have been a hinderance. I am glad to be free of such stresses, even if it means I must watch 2am horror movies by myself. I have no problem with that as I am all the company I need.